why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
