we're blogging at a bar
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
