Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
