3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
