the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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