yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
