Im at strip club and am horny
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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