I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
