so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How does one acquire holy water?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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