just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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