I wish I only lived at night.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
