They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
