..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
