before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
