Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
