Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
