He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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