If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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