I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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