You work out of a Hotel?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
