I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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