After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
