Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
