I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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