I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
