What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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