oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
