please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
