where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
