I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
