my phone needs a breathalizer
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
