I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
