I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
