just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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