butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
