i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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