I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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