The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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