you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
