well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
