oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
