I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
