he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
