There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
