Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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