Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
