had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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