that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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