a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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