I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
porn star boner night. come get it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
