I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
