Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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