I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
