so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
