apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
